whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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