Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She bit a glass in half.
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Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
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And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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