In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Porn is love you can see.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize