yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
