is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
