This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
