well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
