you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
