Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
