I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
