Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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