you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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