I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
