Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize