i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
