roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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