Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
