we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
