I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
