I must be too annoying 4 u.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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