Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
