So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
