so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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