I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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