My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
