I think im going to throw up on grandma
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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