Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So much Jack, so little girl.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
