she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
