I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
