Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
