Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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