I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
