Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
