I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
