I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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