im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize