dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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