the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
