Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
