Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
