lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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