if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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