How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
