Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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