hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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