I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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