he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
