Quick, to the slutcave!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
