I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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