I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
