Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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