You just made me feel so damn special
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
