Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
