remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
