The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
