oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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