hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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