The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
