I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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