Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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