yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
