my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Blood and glitter go together right?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
