It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
